I promised to wife and children,

I have everything to not say, I dont enjoy this. I feel similar to that which i dont like.Even that last statement makes me feel hipocritical but it helps a little bit so ill let it fester for the time being. It seems so soothing to mix the gin. You might think that there should be a holiday post, but there hasnt really been a holiday to right about. I havent thought about the "real" reason for the season, because i dont even feel a season to feel real for, im just doing things for nostalgia's sake, Even typing right now feels fake. But im going to just try anyways. Ive been thinking about what. And what its meaning really is. What is a question but an answer. Its a intense word, What and why and who, i think are the most important questions that can be asked in the pursuit of truth.

Christmas came and went same as last year and suddenly the climax has passed with barely a shutter of pleasure. Sure gifts are great, but they feel empty without the glow. Dont you feel we dont know x is who and why is what. People are math, because we each are long awaited and formulated outcomes of our logic. A groove and rut we dig deep enough into our brains. A way of doing that becomes set, if you know what the rut someone is working in is it safe to say one could accurately guess the outcome of any question or action posed to them?

Phony. EveryBody is. Everyone complains about it. But we are phony, im phony. Why what who

Dont tell me what im thinking. But i know

Change is progress, Change is regression. Change is the personification,the physical evidence of the advancements we have made Internally. Be it our mannerisms, the process by which we think and reason, our use of logic. Even our emotions and their stability may have changed. BUT ALL IS FALSE.

Change does not mean progress. Can it? Yes on occasions it can. But sometimes change is the way to mask and cover up one's lack of progress. A child is a child through and through with a sweet and honest tongue. That child may grow into a teen and suddenly cuss religiously and dress like a mad cracked fool. But inside there still the confused and uncertain child, lost and angry at the world they were born into. They have changed but they have not progressed. That same teen child, may turn into an adult. It no longer drinks bud lights or jungle juice but aged scotch and martini's. It has never really enjoyed the taste of either, but it is what adults do, It still is confused and angry. Life has not given all that it has promised to it, it hates its boring job and its idiot of a boss. Change, but again no progress.

dont be fooled, Progress is not always change. Lack of change does not mean a lack of progress.

i was asked to write something, i dont want to, but for that very reason i lll write something, This hotel that my aunt owns has a very small and cozy library. Its on the second floor, its one of the two rooms located on the second floor, the third floor has six. Its located at the bend of the staircase.

I thought maybe before the night was over i would wander in there with my laptop and right out a significant blog,but i dont want to. Im not one for writing in cozy places. i dont even like blogging anymore. Why did i start it in the first place? because people i knew did it and i thought hey, why not. It seems strange that so many people who claim to be quite, spend copious amounts of time typing out all sorts of things. your not quite at all. People just make noise in different ways, thats all it is tho isnt it? Just noise, were all making some sort of noise that is adding to the mix of the world, the white noise. So what does it take for a sound to "cut thru the mix"?

Where's the boost pedal to shout my voice? Fame? infamy?
Where's the distortion to cut and clip my original sound or intention?
Who is going to repeat the sounds i make? let them rebound

It was a relativly good thanks giving, No macy's day parade, i dont know the channels here. I watched in time, its an interesting concept, seems to be just an amplified version of whats really happening. Watched some lie to me, really do enjoy that show. British people man.
Just because you know something, does that make you smarter then someone who does not?


were just dinasaurs, each and everyone. Waiting and predicting our own extinction. Im up here in the clouds but they wont let me come down, They broke my later, jacobs' building hindsight to fix us all, like a pyro burning down the tree to touch my fluff.

but my pillow, my pillow is flame proof, Hold still it wont smother me. It builds me up it builds me up it builds me up, so i wont see im full of it. Take me down, break my castles now, With our big dinasaur feet crush it small. the camera smiles, he loves it.

viral were gonna see the world only as we take it down, turn on the lights to cover up the glue, show off the cracks, our seams are true.

Buried

i think everyone has something, hidden or buried, they can barely keep down. Something they feel at any moment could erupt like a poisonous cloud and cover there whole life. A skinny girl you can see, see how thin and pretty she is but for some reason you just know she will one day get grotesqley and dispaportionatly obese. The quite kid who sits and just watches, yet you see the sinking lines that have slowly etched their way into a permanent mark on his face. He fears he might just erupt into a ball of angry fire, that hits and shouts, just like his dad. They fear, the anything really is stuffed down inside of us so deep, we hope it wont ever show its face, but it will, it does. Everyone one has something good or bad, that is stuffed inside of them.

What do i choose to do with mine? i want to stuff down many but bring to light a few.

Too
few
brew
eww
flew
stew

How strange it is that people cant find the attention span, or the will, to listen to six minutes of just peace. A song with no lyrics that evoke such a strong feeling of..calm. It may not be a song that deals with the wrong doings of society or shouts words of hate upon a failing political system. But for just those six minutes, you can feel a brief reprise, be taken to an entirely different mind set, one without words. Its like being taken thru your own flash back of moments, happy or sad they are distant so they do not feel keen, rather a hazy feeling of remembrance.

Its been such a strange day today, found of some shocking things. Came to realize i hold double standards. But it ended in a good note, so there is no reason to re-hash old feelings of discomfort when i am no longer uncomfortable. That is honestly not to say that you should forget everything that is hard to deal with, but ive come to grips with it and am no longer so directly upset by it. So ill just let it be, because it has been done and is over. To live in the past is to have died.

look into the air

-ian

The past recedes, hindsighten me

Bah, dear god. The past recedes, hindsighten me. It is so strange how moments pass and they are nothing. Often seem trivial, pointless or even painful. But as it is with many a flash back, the memory appears sweet and fogged in a romantacised haze. A sugar cloud clotting the bleeding vein called time."time regained is paradise lost" Details are lost, well not lost for me anyways, but less acutely felt. Its not so much a sharp needle in my arm, as a strange dull, ache, remembered pain. Aslan and C-reezy...who'da thunk it kids? Its pretty crazy right? So my predicament is not so bad, not bad at all, a simple miss understanding 'old sport'.

i sure hope this hindsight, receding past, sweet hazy fog of memories dont lead me to believe, or remind me that this point in my life will be the best, i hope highschool isnt the crowning moment. I do hope it is at least a building block or..stepping stone? At the very least a neccessary shot in the arm, that inoculates me to all the idiots i will meet later.

thats all for now, i need to get some shut eye, Im starting early morning stretches soon, with two people, three if you include me.Well have a good night Ian, for your the only one who reads these, but their more for you anyways. Dont worry so much about how it reads, compared with your older ones, or their newer ones.

-for emma
Ian

we make our own destiny

WHY! why does everyone feel the need to try to sexy everyone up? Is that the only thing matters in life? I suppose it is, its the vice, the muse, the treasure, the curse, the soul, the shame, the great ecstacy and finally the great bane of humanity. innocent children grow pliable to it's firm and un yielding hand. So must they tho if we as a race are to continue.

Its so sad to see something thought of as naive, something you wished would just stay naive and ignorant. Waving hello to the criminals earnestly because they looked sad. Only to find her doing some seemingly ,un,avoidable act of age. The way society and peer pressure and just overall acceptance of higher tolerancy levels. Not to say that i am far from fault. Im Not, im part of the problem, when i see older people or even those my age doing, i see nothing wrong with, even enjoy it. It just seems so wrong, out of place. But people do grow up, they eventually snap from the bindings we placed in a futile attempt to stunt and curve their growth to fit our ideas and notions.

Destiny is in your own hands, fate is a myth. A lazy excuse for people who do not wish to try, and when they do try and fail, already they have set up a convenient scape goat. Let no man decide your will. Your mind is a home, guest are just that, people you have the ability to let in our force out,Of course there are burglars and intruders.

-Ian

Why do we put so much stock into being remembered? Your gone, dead, your brain and ego or buried. Shallow or deeply has no relevance your buried and dead. So what do you care if your remembered or not? Do budahs bones glitter with joy at how loved and respected he is so many years after he's died? I sure don't think so. Unless we are aloud to feel pleasure in heaven over our earthly deeds. Not to sound like I'm hating on budah, I think he was great, but what does it matter that I think he's great, does it matter to anyone but myself? I suppose its only a comforting gesture, a pacified, to think about at the end of your life. I'm gonna be remembered...ya sure I am, people will miss me.. but for how long? A day a week?

Live in the moment then??
Not sure

Hindsighten me, the past recedes

i might elaborate but i dont know, im very tired. The explosions in the sky show, was so incredibly breath taking. Like ryan who i met there said, "it was like a spiritual experience" and i couldnt agree more. i was moved to an entirely different dimension, where music was emotion, and emotions where raw. Memories came and went as if they were happening then for the very first time. The passion with which they played was just..breath taking. It was a performance yes, but i believe it would have looked the same if they were simply practicing in their homes. They love and feel what they are doing, that is the thing about music, music done right,is a very spiritual and emotional experience because it all comes from our emotions and soul. Music from pure thought or mechanical procedures is like listening to a machine whir as its cogs continue to grind, day after day.

ill maybe come back and edit some more, im so tired tho i lose my thought after each punctuation mark.

Peace

-The earth is not a cold dead place

suppose i were the villian? would you let me get numb?

Well inevitably there had to be a section coming today, or early yesterday rather late yesterday and early today. It has been a strange build up. This year has been a weird one for me. Plenty of self discovered epiphanies, well no, thats crap, nothing is really ever self discovered i dont live in a cave. But these realizations don't do anything without acting, and realzing and realizing how to act upon are different things entirely.

i turned eighteen, i thought there would be some sort of weight landing on my chest in the night with a note attached that said i was free to do as i pleased but ive always been free to do what i want. As usual the expectation did not meet up with reality although this might have been for the better.(you are not to blame)Im watching the from the basement live radiohead. i haven't felt...well much of anything for a while.Where do can you draw the line between compassion and pity? Is there a line or is one just the courier for the other? i intended this to be a woo im eighteen and feeling opprotunity's knock matching my own heartbeat sort of thing. Not to say that its not, isn't opprotunity always knocking, only waiting to be received.

Caring about what i think feels like caring about someone else's opinion sometimes. Im muddled up from plastered assumptions. Speaking of assumptions, ass out of you and me aside, ever hear what someone thinks about you and you like it? Wonder how in the hell they assumed or could even imagine that about you? Wow i didnt know i even left an impression let alone a crater. You dont ever want to let it down do ya, let them know your not that Golden person that distance so fiendishly portrayed you to be?

Lord Henry said that to live honestly fulfilled, deeply enriched, charismaticly(charisma,aura) sure footed you must Follow every emotion and fancy down any ally way they choose, not to be afraid of any thought you have, any emotion you feel, to laugh in philosophies face, to pull down any pre set notions of what is, who's to say the mad man isnt right?" But thats a dangerous path, a dark one a sad one.

none of this is in any way indicating today was a bad day, i in fact enjoyed most of today. A good birthday, memorable? eh But i did like and enjoy this day.It is just that i couldn't seem to make anything about that situation fit into what seems to be keeping me awake. So In hopes of finding something that would allow me some rest, i threw everything that presented itself to the fore-front of my mind. Waiting its turn in line for quite some time, so i reckon its only, only.

ill have more later, but i dont feel quite so ergent.

We think the same thing at the same time,we just cant do anything about it

-ian

Ordinarily the ordinary doesn't seem out of place but fits right in to the normal and expected.it might cause a scare if it suddenly were no longer there. But when we find an extraordinarily unreachable person or object becoming ordinary it frightens the heck out of me. Can nothing stay out of range from our smudging finger prints?does the object fall from grace or do we withdraw or grace? The object viewed from afar appears faultless and entirely desirable but up close falls short and reveals themselves nothing but ordinary. Our expectations, their humaness,our selfishness,lack or frank truth about ourselves. WHY do the imperfect seek the perfect? I don't seek perfection in myself but long to find it elsewhere. Once found I intend to keep it hidden away, from myself or others?

Those who climb will always climb. Continuing to pull down,cast aside, objects and foot holds they strove so long for. Only to continue climbing. The perfect stopping point is not there


Bah

It's so sad, age is a cycle. You start out frail and helpless with people being protective of you.you grow and start to learn,you flesh things out for your own. Then you peak and go down the slow agonizing decent into seniality. People begin to once again talk down to you, but were they talked to you out of promise and protection, they now talk to you out of pity. They feel bad you
I feel bad for them

Bah

black and lime green

Should you really worry about what is happening now? It could always be worse. They say you should never worry,that it adds nothing to your life. If anyone could point out to me a sober man who can set aside worry like a cold cup of juice in the winter, please let me talk to him. If its the best time now,even the easiest,why is everybody stressing to not stress, stressing to enjoy it. You can't live life on someone else's hindsight can you? "Time regained is Paradise lost"
That's a quote from a book I recently read, I've been thinking about it pretty consistently for...let's say a week. Time may not seem so great now but look back in a few years and it will seem great. I'm not going to type out everything I've come to over this quote but a few things I will divulge. A reason time of the past seem so paradise like could be that at the time it did not seem so great, that the challenges appeared far larger then they actually are but were felt as heavy as they actually were. You knew the time was good, you felt the thrill of the Chase, the loss of breath from the fall, the sweet cushion of dooming feelings. Those times tho, were not without pain with which to give the strong contrast. Feel the wrenching sting, the gut twisting fear and the relief was all the greater. Life in gray is no life to have hindsight of
Bah
I like that word
I'm working on grammer
-ian

I can't decide, or don't want to choose a side, to evoke emotion and Passion, tears and fears, of the past and near ha. With music or words. Yes they go hand in hand, but a book is entirely different from a song, either in the praise it recieves or the audience it gathers. It seems in my disability to decide, the choice must be neither. For should I not whole heartedly pursued or have pursued one of them?? I don't think so...but I don't know

you and ten thousand others

Why do we want the things we want, the moments of a random chase run through a strange building witha girl, Or the picket fence Or the Girl who isnt like al the other girls.Because medie and society shows thats what we should want? Im not sure,not sure at all. There are parts of me that i know were society programmed to want certain aspects of life, Yet others i know society couldnt change or begin to touch or form if they tried, Idea's and wishing dreamful fantacies. Are they of my own creataion? i havent the slightest. Did God give them to me, or did he simply hardwire my brain a certain to create and turn at its own will. A shovel is to dig, but in which direction and how deep i dig is entirely up to me.

Thats all for now, a tid bit snatching up my time

really, i do want to watch the movie. But its such a good movie, that left a mark on me that i can still feel, even after all these years. watching it in such a breezy fashion seems unfair. on a computer full of sparkling distractions. i cant turn of our modem, so our cable phone and internet will be cut off. But harold crick demands an audience. i am no fit viewer,supressing a chuckle as he swings the lamp post in a madness induced by the foretold immenence of his own death. The mirror shot in this movie has to be one of my favorites. We see what he see's. his flustered and reddend face screaming into the mirror. Spittle escaping his lips at a dull drum pace.Only to leave emptier. This is no scene for chuckling. Yet i find one needing to be supressed none the less. He eats the cookie, his first homemade warm and gooey cookie in his entire life. The contrast on his face is wonderful, dull and longing to leave, to stalled and amazed. Appreciate the simple. if the plot doesnt move foward by you refusing to go thru the door, the plot has changed instead, your story did not continue thru the door.

it seems this school year is drawing to a close, decisions are ahead. im not to inspired to share anything big right now, so ide rather just keep at nothing, then short change something, you know, tall change worthy. college essay is finished, my english teacher is looking at it, he's pretty cool, a little stuck on the idea of college and having to have an education to make something of yourself, i disagree entirely with the whole system of thought there, a ballerina shouldnt feel stupid because she couldnt pass english and anatomy, she's a ballerina right? she's passed thru twelve years of learning, so she knows more then twice the neccesarry amount to be well educated. But i think people say college is for the experiance, i dont want to be with a bunch of self pleasing, self important, wasted people, if thats the experiance then forget it, but if college is like the island in Brave new world, for people who arnt happy with being the same, or being told what to think, then maybe

ive finshed a few books lately, Brave new world, Bird by bird, lame book where the mother dies, Girl who fell from the sky,lord of the rings, water for elephants, Perks of being a wall flower, and two more but the titles escape me at the moment.Right now im reading Evasion, its about someone who is sick of corporate greed and the boring idealness the is forced upon the "american way" so he becomes a hobo, travling every where by train or hitch hiking, eating from dumpsters, getting money from receipts. i think he's very brave, trusting he'll not die, or maybe even not caring if he dies, he just lives, why worry about dying when your alive?

fleet foxes live in dallas were AMAZING, best concert ive been to, Robin's pitch was PERFECT better then the cd. we arrived four hours early to the show and while waitiing the front(as in first) of the line, we heard them doing sound check, So we went to the back to get a better listen. It really started to rain, i mean torrential downpour rain, so we got closer and all of a sudden two dudes come out of the door and invite us up to the covered ledge cause its "really comeing down man" he introduced himself as casey, out came four more guys, we sort of small talked. i later found out that they were really the drummer, pianist and guitar player of fleet foxes, AND I HAD NO IDEA, they had shaved their beards so it was hard to recognize. after the show in short, i met robin, he played and signed my acoustic, and said he'd really been wanting one(71 yamaha). it was almost as if i were glowing inside, lame to be so star struck, he's only human after all. Thats were the glow came from tho, seeing and talking to someone who i had elevated to a mystical diety, who's talent and grace was far above the likes of a mere mortal such as myself. Great to see fame doesnt turn all into whip logans.

well enough bad writing and grammer.
inadeqescy fill you
-bah

....

i once heard from a thoughtfull person, that "silence is the next best thing to bliss." Everyone is so chatty, trying as hard as they can to at least cause a ripple in our tsunami wave sized days.But why are the most respectful times, a time of silence. Words have un deniable and un fathomable power,yes. When word after word is spoken tho, they lose their intended effect. They no longer mausage the ear into letting words enter our brain to form coherent thoughts. Now instead they bash away until numbness is all we have left. If you ate all hours of the day, meals would no longer be sought after, and would become dull and bothersome traditions. So how can we appreciate the words seldom spoken, when they are indeed not, seldom spoken. i dont need words to be flowing out of my mouth constantly, if this is the case, my words have become bland and thoughtless.

Cheap laughs are just that, cheap laughs. Making someone laugh is deffinatly a worth while venture, it lengthens life and all sorts of good stuff, but a joke at the expense of some kid, or a dirty nasty joke that has no need of being uttered in this tongue or in the black tongue of morder. is just wasted breath

i could ramble on and on, but i dont feel the need to heavily right now, i really have to go to the bathroom, and i like to finish these in one swoop, serving the dish while its hot and all, so all im saying is, let a little more silence creep into your life.


Look into the air, E.I.T.S
-ian

Goliath

its so strange how much thought or importance we put on talent, we praise someone with talent, showering them with "adulation" about how talented they are. When really they have nothing to do with it. Mozart was four years old, so it couldn't have been how much h practiced, he was 1-3 you really cant do much at 1-3. So it just so happend he was born with talent. Its something we all want, but so few seem to have. Supposing we all have a niche in some part of our day, But someone who has a "talent" for folding things. Well then talent is apprently not praise worthy. Why is it fair, its not fair, i know life isnt fair but i mean, why value someone who was born with something, over someone who was not? they both could have worked equally hard for whatever it is they wanted, but because of their starting points, is one bound to always beat the other?
sorta sad really

oh well, Enjoying "The Mars Volta"
-ian

Some people die in the middle, i live just fine on the top

ive always been a little, or a bit, jelous of birds. Not in the way most people would assume, i didnt evny their flying ability which altho is sweet. Its their ability to sing and create music and melody. Which also might be easy to assume, But Its not in their ability or creativity where i find my envy. It is in fact, in their self confidence, They sing when there is no one around, and when people are around, They sing whether people like it or not, They like the song their singing, So they sing it, Ive always been very insecure about my music, Darn birds, Im sure whatever there singing has some sort of meaning to them or their other bird friends, maybe someday ill be able to mimic, or at least understand them better

Being scared of something is sooo dumb, If it cant change anything then why be scared? the phrase ignorance is bliss is so true, you could live ignorant of something that causes crippling fear, and since you dont have that fear it never affects you, You live a totally successful life, In contrast you could live in fear of this one thing so much so that still, it never occurs but you were to scared to really do anything or think of anything worthwhile, becaus it COULD happen, So dumb, if only i could convince my brain of this fact, i hate it.

lalalala lalalala ya

bah, Schools comeing to a close here mighty quick, Everyone is trying so hard to be original, it seems to me that the original people, are pretty original, Artist that try so hard to be different, really arent that differnt, as are people, We all have the same needs, Same inards, Same everything. So where is it that marks our originality. It cant be our clothes, Because they group of people who claim to be seperate, all wear the same cloths.Goths wear black and chains,Scene wear band tee shirts and skinnies, Hipsters wear off brand clothing and stinky sweaters, Preppy people wear clothing that is bright and expsensive. So it cant be clothes.(im not trying to stereotype people, but most of those people dont want to conform yet they all wear the same things and act genrally the same way, just a statement of fact) It cant be hair. People can easily copy hair, Just flip thru old books they think no one has read and do their hair like that, Do their hair with their eyes closed, You could probably find fifteen other people in one state alone that do the same thing, So WHAT GOOD is trying to be original, that is a very unoriginal thing to do, It seems there must be some deep underlying substance that will brand someone in your mind as original, If a cookie is basically a cookie. there are different types of cookies, Sugar, Cc, Snickerdoodle. Even two sugar cookies could taste totally different, so what is it?

Creeping creeper you have no thoughts here, Slide back into the shadows

The big three killed my baby

BEHK, Zrch.

So much to say, Spring break came and went. It was uneventful, Yet life altering thru small uneventfull acts. i was inspired, depressed,Enlightend,Attracted,Frightend. There was a terrible Earthquake That caused much death due to its after affects. Makes the hopefull strives of americans, In our so called american dream, Seem selfish and ignorant. Perhaps We should celebrate the freedom we have, Why waste what is given to us? But we should not be Ignorant and fat gluttons while others starve to death, We simply turn our heads the other way and say,"Oh well why waste,We cant ship it to them anyway". No, Absolutly not.

To those that say This Is God judging The japaneese, How Ignorant of them to say something, Has las vegas Been struck to ruin by a massive earthquake or tornado?? No, yet there is no lack of moralless people, Who do things that "stay" there. God has nothing but love towards people, He would not kill Thousands of inocent people for the sins of few,

To those foolish, People hating, Blind, Ignorant, Who say That God is killing Soldiers, In iraq, Killing teens in auto accidents. Killing Gays, To punish them for their Sins. i cant type with enough emotion. How wrong. His full wrath was Put out on the body and soul of jeus christ. We live in a crazy world, We're stuff happens. i wont pretend to know why. The church is supposedly supposed to be loving the world, the hurting and dying, Feeding the starving and clothing the naked. Yet you have the Balls, the nerve the Guall, To Protest Funerals,IN THE NAME AND AUTHORITY OF GOD, of Young men and women who died for our country, Were we enjoy the freedom, Many can not even dream about. Makes me sick. People wonder why everyone has a nasty bitter taste in their mouth when they hear the word christian..We've become hypocritical, hatefull, judgemental, Finger pointing,Horrible people

For the Majority of highschoolers Worrying about The end of school, About prom. Dont. Prom is a VERY small matter, That the big three, the hi honcho's of society, and slow building tradition, with more myth then fact,has told is a very big deal, If you go, have fun, Dont worry about if people laugh that you wore the same dress because you didnt want to spend another 300 DOLLARS, on something you will wear once. Who you take to prom will, MORE THEN LIKELY, matter very little, to none at all, Take it for what it should be, Something fun, to see your friends all gussied up. School will end, The social standings, The grades, Will pass, and fall into a large storage bin in a montage of your life, were only a few pictures will remain clear, If your striving for a high end desk job, Well Grades are important to an exent. But they shouldnt consume your life now," Youth is wasted on the young", So true, dont worry so much, Just Live, and do what is most important, Dont live with regret, Go for what they say is just A dream, that People go thru at this age, Its not true, Everyone does Go thru this phase, But bitter adults who had it beat out of them, Want to beat it out of you to, They think its the way things have to be

Ive fallen in love with the Work, of Jack White. The raw pulsating power of his guitar, That drives the very core of the questions,The fed upness, against the wrongdoings of people who take advantage of us, "Grinning in our face". His lyrics which voice the opinions we , or at least i seem to feel very strongly, Really just beautiful, In the same way a sword is beautiful.The man can play.


their ideas make me wanna spit
a hundred dollars goes down the pit
oil company faces are grinnin
my baby's my common sense
so dont feed me planned obsolescence
people are burnin for pocket change
and creative minds are lazy
Better idea's stuck in the mud


-ian

Strapped up

i love listening to new players, its refreshing. He's probably not playing to impress anyone, to hope to write a new amazing line. Its just for the fun and beauty of it, He she it they; like the sound of their making for the first time. Back to basics of why you played, before you new all the rules and reason to play. That first time you were fasinated by the guitar, Where you just fell in love, you looked up and saw you had been playing the same three chords for two hours, its now midnight and you dont want to put it down, for fear of losing the magic you seem to be channeling, In the presence of.

i guess its a child compared to an adult, they just love living, without anyone telling them the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, They like to spin around in circles with their batman shirt on and nothing else. For the simple pleasure of spinning till everything begins to spin with you.

Just crazy how once you know all the rules, there less like safety rails or a safety rope and more like binding Fences,Its that way with most everything, People grow up loving but people teach and warn them about all the things they can do wrong, The evil that others will do to them, They focus so much on the possible wrongs and right, They dont just go.

Just ramble
Live performance
not a studio session

-ian

GRAB HIM(pft pft)

Blue,Together,Grinds,Pi symbol, Pretender,Fleeting,Passive,Tremble.

Do you ever see those unmarked white vans?That seem to be waiting around, Seemingly watching you? Whats your first thought, That your being followed, The town has hired a large group of unidentified painters for a much need touch up?

I always think there men from the future, Comeing to capture me before i do the one fatefull act, Creating my success,Impact,Future,Person; that will forever change the world. They have to stop me from doing the deed, Because they have a selfish desire and jelousy. I know this might come off strange or arrogant, possibly even rude.But its a way telling myself i can do it, Also that ive seen and read to many future traveling books.


"maybe we were making straight A's, but we were stuck in the dumb days."
You can know something for sure,But a look or a word or a phrase can totally change it, Crazy huh? Words are powerful, No matter what anyone says, But i dont think its the actuall word, Its the feeling that is being forced through the medium, Thats trying to by conveyed by the word. There are hundreds of languages in the world, So words are powerfull yes, But if they were THAT powerful, There would be one universal language. So it must be the thoughts or emotions put behind the words that give them the driving force.

Ive heard that to be a great Performer, Youmust also be a great liar. Beautiful words might tickle someones ear, but it wont draw them in forever. You have to force or trick yourself into thinking the words your saying are true, Finding some emotion inside your self that is the right vehical to drive down the road your paving.

(i bounced like a weaving maril, applogies)

"You did it to yourself"
-Ian S

a human boy, just say the name

its to hard to write something with someone watching, i feel like my process should be something special, when its really not.i dont wanna feel like im trying to or not trying to impress someone, so i scraped it. its weird to edit erase and create with breath near your shoulder, when your used to doing it with barely the moon to keep you company.

school started, its weird to say that. It was just snow, but it got me out of school for a few days. as in this is my first day of school since monday.i saw never ending story today with the people who shout jello, It's a great movie, i wonder what other people think of when they watch movies like that,i instantly related myself to the boy, maybe everyone does that, maybe not. i sometimes wish i had people telling me to get my head out of the clouds, that would mean im at least dreaming.and you cant achieve to much without at least day dreaming of it, The bird doesnt simply fall out of the nest and begin to fly, he see's his mother fly off everyday. So swift and graceful is his mother, children and adults alike look up in marvling jelousy at the birds flight.He hopes and dreams to one day be able to fly out of his nest, and streth his own wings on the shy blue sky.

its really quite beautiful to think, To think we're all involved in a grand, never ending story. That we are somehow the unlikely hero in some universe all our own, but completely foreign. To be needed and hoped upon, Believed in to do things great enough to be written down by the sages of time, on their tablets of eternity.This might be looking a bit far into things, over dramatic.But regardless of whether or not that is the case, lame graphics and effects aside. It was a wonderfull movie. one that i wish i would have watched when i was younger, but i turned out ok regardless.

thank your for showing me the movie and the band

down to puget sound
-

waiting for a train, to the astro planes

undoubtedly there must a snow blog. As everyone else has so gripingly stated;"There is over fourteen inches of snow". Yes, most of us,myself included, have been stuck in our house,for the most part. The snow fell monday night, and hasnt yet to decided to leave. Thanks to this clingy snow, We have had a one day school week. Everyone is complaining about "cabin fever", and not seeing their friends, and being so bored. This may be the case for some people,But it sort of confuses me. There is a world of snow outside to be played in, Forts to build, angels to fan out, Balls to throw, hills to sled, Adventures to be had. So why in the world do people keep complaining? Everyone all year ask for snow, Here it is. Even if your not an outdoor person, like myself. It gives me the perfect excuse to sit inside all day and do nothing but play guitar and read. Listen to music while you just watch the snow.

it pulls us from the Constant and never ceasing momentum, Of everyday life, just long enough to lets us reflect, and think on ya know life? To enjoy the songs we dont often enjoy, because were to busy picking songs; To hear the thoughts that constantly are rolling in the back of our minds,but are drowned out by the deafning white noise of life. Way to often tho, people cant see that, and they go Mad when the noise they've learned to live and sleep with stops. The rickety vent that lulls you to sleep suddenly stops, and the quiet is more disturbing then the noise. People tend to foccus to often on the negative

Just a little bit of a different perspective to think about, not to hate on anyone. im talking to myself more then anyone...literally


-Growing fond of bob dylan
ian S

3:42

Its 3:07am as i start My latest entry in the world of permanent words, Not to be erased by any mere man. There's so much that could be discussed, Not all of it worthy of writing down, not due to lack of importance or weight. Simply its not something i feel need be shared with a whole world, of people who wouldnt appreciate it. So this might be a book review, could end up something totally different.

Ive finished Five books this past month, Blue like jazz, A Wrinkle In Time,Fahrenheit 451 ,1984 and i will soon finish, the CATCHER in the RYE. These are all great books in my opinion. Blue like jazz, i hate to say is a christian book, not to say that christian books are a bad thing, But many if not a 9 out of ten, are very cheesey, Un inspired, cliche, Five steps to get what you want from God books. This book is NOTHING, let me say nothing of the sort, It takes you thru the journey of a man,that i can very much relate to, as he go's thru his Walk in life.It points out what many people really think of christians as, A bunch of nose pointed, Muslim hating, Republicans. And how sad he becomes at this, because thats not what it should be about. It also very readily talks about the doubts any real person would come in contact with. i could go on, But ill let you read and discover it on and in your own way if you so choose.

A wrinkle in time, well as i read thru school, during school, at home, at lunch. People so often pointed out, "oh i loved that book,when i was ten.." Yes it is a childrens book, But it has the childlike nature, To close your eyes, spin around, clap your hands three times, and suddenly your "tesserd"to a whole nother universe, Where your imagination takes you on a trip to your hopes fears and Imaganitive whims. It instills i guess what you would call good ethics. It brings you back to the place where a cardboard box as castle, Yet also has many deeper thoughts, Of being different and such. Also a very good book, which will forever stay on my shelf, But never with enough time for dust to collect on it.

i cant say to much about the catcher in the rye, Im not far enough into it

AND fahrenheit 451, a sad story about, how technology can dehumanize a society as quick as it can put us on its shoulder and carry us up a mountain. Made me realize how important idea's are, Knowledge. Idea's to be carried and thrived upon, To not be closed minded, to not live pleasure to pleasure. A world without true freedom and ability to express one's self, and Let your mind be expanded, is a oppresive world. That starts to unravel at its very seams, from those seams burst forth Hate, violence, And silent depression. A failed society will someday without doubt, destroy itself by any means neceesary

1984
Much like 451, a very oppresive society, Where you are forced to think one way, Knowing its false, But knowing by accepting that it is false you understand its not false but true,by being false it allows itself to also be true, Doublethink. The man who thinks outside of the box, Who screams silently with frustration, at the wrongness of his society, ultimatly is killed for it, inside more then out. He knows there is something profoundly wrong, That human nature, must somehow know that we are not all supposed to be the same, to think the same.

(ide like nothing more then to continue my love of these books,to give more adiquate descriptions but my thumb is way to sore for some reason, So that will be all)

Appreciating the freedom we enjoy
-Ian S.

isnt it strange how in the darkest, Or seemingly lowest points in one's day, After your self claimed Epic fail of the day. There is no smile to be found on your face, And no Joy in your heart.The Little things can just brighten the night, Like a lamp in a cold dark room.The song played by accident brings a smile to your face, du du da da.

School Re-started again today. The humdrum cycle already isnt fun. It was a hard day to start, waking up earlier then i have in two weeks.From first hour, i had my beliefs challenged. i wanted so badly to speak up, To speak out. To tell them they were wrong about the God they Were so quick to say, Passed condemnation out, Like Sex spreads diseise.i wanted to stand up and shout,But i felt that would be wrong, or come across in such a way it would never be recieved. i want to leave the class, It turns something i love and am passionate about,Into something i begin to loath and hate. Altho i feel, as if im biding my time. Finding the right time to speak when it will be heard fully.

Passion, Genuine.Desire, Need. Lust. Fear,Wail, Tear,Mind,Sill, Time.
i Hear about How Some of my favorite Guitarist, Would play night and day. To the point where their parents would take them to a pyschiatrist, For an obsession disorder.They all ended up being legends, and great guitar players, Reveered and respected long after they have died. Is this the sort of passion needed to reach our highest dreams and goals? i dont think so, But those who make it far, They know what they want. So,they drive and strive for it with every fiber of their being, It is what gives their life meaning, Color and Love. Love, they love that instrament, Im going to strive for more passion in my living, passion is a step towards love. Adding more love in our life, Doesnt sound like a bad thing to me.


-Only Love is all Maroon
Ian S.

He lived for what and who he loved,Believed and thougth to be good

i dont know who's right or wrong, If were just accidental specs floatin, like the wind. Of if We have strings, and we do everything cause were supposed to. i think its both, happening at the same time.
-Forrest Gump

Well, if you cant tell, i just watched forest Gump. Deffinatly one of the Greatest, Best movies i have ever seen. Its got such a good message, Or story.We have no power to determine what we have comeing into this world, But we do determine what we do with what we're given. He changed the lives of so many people, By just doing what he knew to do, what he believed to be right and good.

He started with nothing, and ended with everything. He had money, fame, and followers. But that wasnt the great part about his story, Thru his actions, So many people were affected and changed for the better, Cynical Dan, Poor bubba, Lost jenny. All ended better because of him.But he didnt live for the fame, For the money, or the attention. He lived for what he loved, For who he loved.

The good memories were not the Partys or such, They were The stars shining at night over Vietnam, The sparkle of the sunset over the ocean. The two sky's on the beautiful, crystal lake. And the loss of boundary between heaven and earth in the desert sky, And the love of woman, Who showed Him the love in A cold world.

Really an inspiring movie.Makes you think what is truelly acomplishable in this life we live.Important things cant be bought or sold. But are In people, In what we do.Its not about how smart, Tall, Short or handsome, But really the heart of the matter. i guess thats why people say skip the crap and lets get to the heart of the matter.

Makes me remember to enjoy the simple matters of life. And to never look down or belittle someone.We're all made by the same God, So we all got the same stamp of approval,

Im up in the woods, im making a sil
-ian S