Those Weird Kids are The coolest i know

im finding more and more, that people and things, that really used to bug the crap out of me, know dont seem as bad. Mainly My brothers, And Stuff like that, i hafta say, im actually jelous of his friends, There all so tight together, not like their cool, But there who they wanna be, even tho there not all the same, Its really what its supposed to be about,

i dont really even know what i am like, im the same around everyone, but sometime's im so quiet, others just really weird. Am i changeing, or just dif moods, They actually, Give me a good feeling, Its, there's hope for people after all, Their not perfect, and have sorta crazy lives, But there all good people: Individuals, Not ordinary, Its funny how the people most people consider weirdo's, Even consider me odd .i hope they dont think im to weird ha, but if they do im just A O K with that.

so im starting a side project band with london, i think it could be great, We've decided to have no genre's. We are music, not another label, Music is the only label i want it under, True, Honest, Real, Not to say where going to be having hard core break downs. It will Lean More towards chill, Indie, Folk.

What might have been lost.
-Ian

They haven't seen the canvas, Because they are the Canvas

im growing more and more to hate beginnings, and especially ends. Its not that i hate Starting or trying new things, its not allways bad, Quiting smoking to begin A tar free life isnt bad. But, if there is a beginning, then there must also be an end.And here lies my saddness. i know people say things come and go, But it doesnt mean i have to like it. People and friends, i HATE saying goodbye, especially when it never happens, Its like a frog getting boiled, you dont even see it comeing, and dont notice before its to late. Friends, in a way, are like songs, Some songs you listen to for only a while before you get tired of it, and began to see all the flaws, Others You love for the flaws,(indie music for example), But then there are songs,that no matter how many times you hear, you still sing the words out at the top of your lungs, or simply sit there in awe of the melofluous and lyrical genius, You will always listen to that song.

Songs are like Chapters, And Chapters Are friends, But It takes many chapters to make a book.
Favorite songs for example, There are times where i only listen to a few songs because i like them so much, and they become part of that chapter in my life, when i hear that song, it brings back that memory. And for a time i get to go back and re read that chapter, Regardless if it is good or bad. That song has colored my memory, and affects how i remember it, how i precieve it. Never the less it has created my book.

(For me, if im reading a book, and i have a song playing, i tend to replay that song or playlist, because it gives the book a voice, or a more resounding echo, You can Think of christmas all you want, But you think of more then just morning , You think of all it entails, The sounds, The smells, Just the feel in the air.)-random off side note

Songs are so powerful, they Paint the silence with Images and Flavor our memories. You hear that song, and For me i always think of the time, when that song really was the soundtrack to my life, And everything around me seems so much more alive,Everything Carrying lingering Scents of the past. The little details, that i paid no mind to, suddenly seem significant, i find myself sitting alone on my couch, laughing at some point made in the past, Especially if it is a memory, of a good time, songs have power.

i can totally remember ,what song went with what time, Small example
Across the universe soundtrack : Last year during winter, driving home from work, in the freezing cold, with my thin Jacket
Imogen heap, the moment i said it, Hide and seek : 8th grade year when i read maximum ride trilogy.
Island in the sun : 8th grade summer to freshman year start.
Paramore, all i wanted, Misguided ghost : Around this time last year, ...(sad)
Explosions in the Sky : Most of last years Summer, And from October thru Febuary(about all i listend to)

Each song is a like a painting to different people, For one it Might be The suttle use Of shadeing that really shows the sadness,
Or the Tree in the back only has leaves on one side to them Show's how we all have a mask of everythings all right.
So is a song to each of us different but the same, i hope to oneday be able to Paint on the biggest canvas the world has ever seen, They havent seen this canvas because they are the canvas

Listning to My own memories.
-Ian

Vegan Pyscic Powers

So i have this friend who's odd loud and well she's very cool in my opinion , She's not my best friend, But i consider a decent friend, i can be weird or akward around her, basically myself , but anyways. The other night One of my friends asked me ,"Is there something wrong with, in the head, or is she just like that?" Right off the bat i just said "ha oh she's just like that" But throughout my day ive actually been seriously Thinking to myself, is she a little messed up in the head?, and the fact that im even, or that i did, thinking,thought,think that just makes me feel awful, so what if she's a little ecentric, Or out there, i say we need way more of those people who are happy to be them, So what if there Loud, Or just make freaky weird sounds, i just hate how if someone isnt like us, or the population in genral( i am not saying i am anything like the population in genral, i pride myself in being odd, and being called weird, im me BUT oh well) People are who they are.

We shouldnt suffocate people, and press them into a box, Claustrophobia is a terriible fate to suffor, To be so confined in a box that you feel you cant breath, no one can hear, no one can See you. Yet we force people into a small box and say STAY there, dont move, be quiet, dont stand up, stay crouched in the mud.

Pretty awful aint it?
i for one appreciate the weird odd Crazy people, who stay up late to watch eighty's movies, Who want to be a cyclying nomad, Who stay up into the wee hours playing pokemon, Or final fantasy(i know ive done some of the above OFTEN!)
Lets learn to accept people

If we only had one type of music, ide grow to hate it.
Thats why we like music, beacuse it all express's The same thing, but through a different lense.

Be kind, One day you'll be at the end
and wonder why....

Couldn't sleep till i wrote this

Does anybody but me ever feel unworthy?, or useless? im not really sure how to explain, but do you ever feel sometimes like you wish you weren't the kid with the good family, or nice car? Because people who have a crappy family or no car, or whatever, just wont like you or listen to you? becaus what is anything ive gone through compared to what they've gone through?
Like have dealt with so much, and im just another average ho hum

Or like there are tons of kids who are nicer, better, or just more deserving of a nice life then you are?
People who havent done anything but be born, same as you, but they get the crap shovel...and you dont
Because when your off guard, and your kindo meter just seems low..
and you have the nerve to feel bad about it
while they worry about bills, or if there mom's gonna leave the family....
idk these thoughts always seem to run their race...

Woe is not Enough,

Hmm.. Man, some people i just dont get, how they can be so rude, to someone who is so obviously down on their luck, i mean ive been rude, but im constantly working on it, people tho, they cant cut a break to the guy who is 18 and working at walmart. has to pay bills he shouldnt have to, but people are to caught up in themselves.

i wish life was like a movie, more so like scott pilgrim, or Eragon, where i could be the good guy, to help make everything better for some one, but sadly no, i get no great adventure, No thrill of the chase, no seven evil ex's to fight off.

people say christians are supposed to be the judges of the world, but i dont believe that at all, maybe a guide, but not a judge, thats God's job, not mine, how many times has yelling at a person out of anger or disgust ever made them agree with you?, no it doesnt, its the people you hang with, listen to their thoughts, Their hate's their fears, Their dreams, and you Love them for who and what they are, It doesnt mean you agree with their faults, you can slowly help them, But no one wants to be yelled at for their mistakes, "you'll catch more flies with honey, then with vinegar." Its so true, People would much rather listen to someone who's been their for them, but you have to be honest.

sometimes i wish i was the stupid kid, with nary a thought running through my head, But ha thats not me, i see everything with a double meaning, i get side tracked with so many thoughts, especially when typing or writing, i get caught on one thought, start typing, but my fingers dont keep up with my thoughts, so i end up jumping around like a crazed maniac on muscle relaxer..

basically
Give people a break, what if NO ONE ever cut you any slack because your weird, or you liked video games that are for kids ten years younger then you?, You would rather stay home and read a book, then go play poker with a bunch of kids who dont really want you there,Because your a little unsure how to act around people, so your just quiet and akward.

Just give love, and compassion seriously.

and i want to be the good guy, reading all these books make me grow to hate the routine of my life...
i want to play music that connects with people's soul...there very self, the weird kid who Doesnt know what he feels...

Im confused but i feel truth

In one of my classes, At the begginging of the year, We're asked to write down what the Lords telling us, And for the past three years, the same people say the same thing,
Deception, Comeing darkness, Evil, i mean i know that stuff is all out there, and that we can fall for it or into it, But i don’t think that’s all God has for this year.

i mean, Yes that is COMEING, but i don’t believe at all that’s what this year is ABOUT, i mean that’s sorta missing the point i think, YOU SEE a storm cloud coming and decide to base your month on that cloud, Forget just grabbing and umbrella and boots,
no, you decide to build a bunker, deep underground, with no contact to the outside world , No checking to see if THEY can prepare for storm, and there the ones who have no idea its even comeing. you completely miss the beauty of the storm, The calm BEFORE the storm, And the Awe inspiring aftermath of the storm

By being so afraid of what it COULD do, you wont be able to see what it DID do, ive seem to have gotten side tracked but who reads these anyways?? WHO CARES

I read all these things, here all these different views on who and what God is. But i just don’t know what is truth anymore..
For so long i was told you had to do this and that, and not this, If you think this way, Your no longer saved. But then i heard the message of Grace, and for a season everything clicked, it made sense, People say That the message of Grace is letting Christians get away with All sorts
of bad, But the message didn’t make them do it, its nothing they wouldn’t have done before, Grace gives you the ABILITY to not sin, To not focus on ourselves, But on Him, What he did for Us, Through him We have the ability to NOT sin, But to accept the righteousness That he gave his only son for.

People can so eagerly Believe, that Jesus took all our sins on the cross, So wouldn’t it make sense that WE took his righteousness?, He didn’t die for just our past sin..because WE WERN'T even around at the time, So he must have died for sins PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE, so we must be covered from those we will do and have done, but that doesn’t mean we go and SIN, that’s totally missing the point, WE NOW HAVE THE
ability to no longer sin. That’s the beauty its no longer in our own strength BUT in his, Because if Jesus, Holy spirit, TRUELY live inside of us then Sin should be no more , it is no more

Wouldn’t the whole point of him dying for ALL OUR SINS be so we don’t have to keep feeling sorry and pitiful, i mean how stupid is this? "Man I feel so good today, I haven’t lied in a week, No porn for
month, I’ve really cut back on cussing, I’m being so nice I’m sure God in all his pure awsomeness can use me for his benefit now!" – Isn’t that works?? trying to make it to heaven by works? And you know what else is a prevailing and repeated word through that statement, “I” “I” “I”.

Doesn’t the bible say our good deeds are as filthy rags before God??
SO WHY would things such as that matter, they lead to THIS
"Man.. I was doing so well, but.. I lied about stupid things, STUPID things that don’t even matter. I Started cussing with other people at work SO I don’t look prude, I really thought some nasty things about
that girl.... God could never use me...(two weeks later)
MAN oh man, I’ve been doing great I’ve totally cleaned up my act, IM so clean and sparkly now!! I bet God just cant WAIT for ME to get to church, I even took notes. IM SUCH A GOOD PERSON

NOT!!!

i know those are pretty lame examples, but its close to, at least for me, what my thought process used to be concerning me and God, But if Our righteousness and standing with God, Was based on works. i’m LONG GONE!!, But its not..i think. God forgives us and uses us REGARDLESS, he helps us overcome He needs Us to be willing, he helps us change and get the bad out, and him in, If you spend enough time with him he Will wash away all that needs to be washed away.

i’m not saying we throw caution to the wind and just do a bunch of of
stupid stuff, Its not a get of jail free card, we should live as examples of Jesus were not crazy people.(ehhh haha) But im saying idk im working on bettering my writing or expressing skills, Yes we fear God, Yes we obey him, But its through HIM and through HIS GRACE we do it, we dont have the power on our own, The old testament proves that, The law in the old testament did nothing but further bind, and push people away from God, ,

say, there were these people, and unless they stayed wet, they would die, So some people carried around water and just splashed themselves enough to get by, hour by hour ,day by day, Some people decided they would only leave their home when it was raining, So they could Enjoy the other world, but still stay comfortable, But other people didnt even want to feel dry,They just lived in the ocean,
or hmm
let me try again, that didn’t get my point across, God IS the water we live in to survive, To keep the dry off of us, its not like we get our fix and then struggle struggle struggle, then get our fix again, We should STAY in him, totally drowned.

Maybe this one will be a little better

There were these people who had to Stay wet to survive, But they must bath in this One certain lake to Be clean, Healthy, Happy, And fresh.
Not only did this lake keep them wet for a whole day, But it also Kept them healthy, Happy, And care free(just to really drive home the lake is GREAT)

Now some people, would just carry lake water around in jugs, and splash themselves on the parts that would start to hurt after awhile, Just enough to keep patching their way through life. Now Some people Felt compelled To try and stay totally clean Before Getting in the Lake water, They'd scrub themselves clean with their tap and bottled water, Before they'd even go near the lake, They had to be perfect in THEIR own eyes, Before they Felt , That they could truely be cleaned by the lake,(works, And law.) But Other people, Stayed totally immersed in the lake the never even got out of the lake. Never worried about drying out, or getting sick, Sure they could just have easily jumped out of the lake, Just as everyone else did, they could have gone and seen the world, But why? they have everything they could EVER want, and dont hafta worry about all the bad, Its not even a concern for them any more, There not clean by anything they've done, EXCEPT stay in the lake.

Idk if that really got my point across but im trying

Is God
The lion, The lamb, The baby, The warrior, The sacrafice, The king, The savior, The lover, The comforter,
Or all of them at once??

Silence

So i heard the otehr day, That Benjamin Franklin Practiced traits like for a week straight he'd work at something.
i think im gonna start doing something like that but not just virtues, i might do being silent for a week, That sounds
awsome, because the way i see it, the more words you have comeing out of your mouth all the time, the less important
Each word becomes, The significance is gone, "the squeaky wheel gets the most attention,But its the first to be
replaced-Ian s." ha, But you get what im saying,

If every ten seconds every thought you have is flying out, why would people want to listen? im going to start
practicing being quiet, When the guy who is always quiet makes a suggestion, people will want to hear what
he says, if its important enough for him to speak up, why not listen.

So sometime this or next month im going to do a week of silence or at least a week with no more then 100
words. i dont want to be the kid who is just always talking, trying to get a quick laugh, And if You think about
what your going to say, the less likely it is you'll say something stupid, well thats my thought for the day
Enjoy

Scott, Eragon,Hendrix,Beatles,

i've noticed that whenever i read something, or listen to someone alot, Or watch a movie
i want more and more that my life be like that which im reading listning to or seeing,
i dont believe this is bad, im still childish in my imagination, but still shouldnt i be happy
with me?

Say, i read an adventure book, i notice more and more how boreing i think my life is,
i read a book about an eluf girl, im like hmmm, or an eluf guy, im like i should be more quiet
(even tho i already am quiet) Or listen to a style of music, i want to play like jimi, Or sound more
like harrison, i wanna be like sufjan,

Not sure what i mean by this, but ha. Just saying that we are shaped by what we spend our
time doing, not that it totally makes us up, but if we listen to strictly depressing music,
we'll always feel really melancholy, Be happy with what you are, dont shift it for others
But be willing to change the bad, if you have a horrible temper
dont just accept that, Work on it, But dont start acting stupid just cause someone who people
like is stupid.

....ramble.....change point....ramble....lose sight of original reason for writing......fill bottom with sad explanation....
end