I promised to wife and children,

I have everything to not say, I dont enjoy this. I feel similar to that which i dont like.Even that last statement makes me feel hipocritical but it helps a little bit so ill let it fester for the time being. It seems so soothing to mix the gin. You might think that there should be a holiday post, but there hasnt really been a holiday to right about. I havent thought about the "real" reason for the season, because i dont even feel a season to feel real for, im just doing things for nostalgia's sake, Even typing right now feels fake. But im going to just try anyways. Ive been thinking about what. And what its meaning really is. What is a question but an answer. Its a intense word, What and why and who, i think are the most important questions that can be asked in the pursuit of truth.

Christmas came and went same as last year and suddenly the climax has passed with barely a shutter of pleasure. Sure gifts are great, but they feel empty without the glow. Dont you feel we dont know x is who and why is what. People are math, because we each are long awaited and formulated outcomes of our logic. A groove and rut we dig deep enough into our brains. A way of doing that becomes set, if you know what the rut someone is working in is it safe to say one could accurately guess the outcome of any question or action posed to them?

Phony. EveryBody is. Everyone complains about it. But we are phony, im phony. Why what who

Dont tell me what im thinking. But i know

Change is progress, Change is regression. Change is the personification,the physical evidence of the advancements we have made Internally. Be it our mannerisms, the process by which we think and reason, our use of logic. Even our emotions and their stability may have changed. BUT ALL IS FALSE.

Change does not mean progress. Can it? Yes on occasions it can. But sometimes change is the way to mask and cover up one's lack of progress. A child is a child through and through with a sweet and honest tongue. That child may grow into a teen and suddenly cuss religiously and dress like a mad cracked fool. But inside there still the confused and uncertain child, lost and angry at the world they were born into. They have changed but they have not progressed. That same teen child, may turn into an adult. It no longer drinks bud lights or jungle juice but aged scotch and martini's. It has never really enjoyed the taste of either, but it is what adults do, It still is confused and angry. Life has not given all that it has promised to it, it hates its boring job and its idiot of a boss. Change, but again no progress.

dont be fooled, Progress is not always change. Lack of change does not mean a lack of progress.