mind erased

I saw a movie, they got their memories erased, and seemingly started over again but chose to do the exact same things. I can only wonder if we as individuals, if me as a person, are so set in out ways that we would do the same thing, time after time, chance after chance. Would i love the same person, would i think the same things, make the same mistakes, If at the end of my life i begged God for a second chance and he said okay; but you wont know its a redo, thats my one stipulation. Would my life turn out any differently? Thats the thing i sometimes wonder about, considering reincarnation. If we really are everyone on the planet at once, thats how we eventually become Gods or Enlightend or fulfilled is by experiencing everything, the entire scope of humanity, by making every choice possible, we become fulfilled and KNOW every choice possible thus we can create our own people or selves and let them learn and know.
Its not true, but its a theory.

FOR ONCE, KID!

im so tired of it, im tired of being so insecure. That really cant be an attractive quality, but my fear about the effects of my insecurities is even worse. Grow a backbone for once kid! You sure can talk a big game, but fools have an endless stream of words rushing out of their mouths. Is wisdom, dripped, dribbled or gushed? People talk about truth so much, like it is some sort of candy. It isnt something easy to find, you may have found a reality, but reality isnt truth, reality is a sham, the biggest phony ever faked in the sheets of life, in the bedroom of ha ha's. Gosh its sad,im only sure when their unsure. Maybe it is all a power trip for me.

I love this song, Mary(alternate version) by Yellow ostrich, and Stuck on the Puzzle by Alex turner. Each of these songs lend me some peace of mind. True or not, they do. I always say to myself,"Boy, your non commited self will be fine when you hit fourty or fifty, you'll have it figured out and be so God Damned Wise. No need to worry about how to get there, you just will. Stop worrying about being wise now, you cant be wise in Old Age if your Wise in your youthful years, There's only such much smart a man can handle, you get m' meaning?" BUT WHO KNOWS MAN WHO HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

i wonder where who lives, and where the heck has he been hiding, under what Alias does he write his songs and books?

How does the wind blow, how is it heavy? There really isnt much weight there, is there?

there's always an awful feeling when you suddenly realize your not a good person, or not as good as you imagined yourself to be. As i say suddenly, i realize it is not a sudden realization but a slow process of ignoring signs and shifts in ones self image and actions. So once again my incompetence reigns supreme,personified as the lead horse on my self driven carriage ride to an unhappy destruction, and what are my reins made of you ask ? well let me tell you dear fool, it is laziness.
damn poop.

im sure, but Who know's

on here i have lived, here i have thrived, scorch marks burn my table, what a nasty surprise. Im tired of being cynical, in the worst way,not the good way. It's not a bad thing being cautious, and careful; Although Drying out the water with your withering eye is something to be avoided. Unless it's water witch,a water witch's water will poison the drinking water of the children, they can stand to suffer a pinch of withering. Im graduated, thats important, people tell me all the time. This is the best time of your life, soak it up it wont last long, ahh to be young again, youth is wasted on the young.

Im sure they mean well, but i really hope this isnt as good as it gets, sure i dont have many "fiscal" responsibilities, but what i still have life, and life is not always easy, but worth living, if its always worth living, does it really change in being a better or worse time to be living. Im sure, but who knows. Someone said,"i dont want to grow up, im only good at being young" Have you ever been anything but young, while im sure your proficient in the acting out of the modern interpretation of Youthful fancies; being old could be wonderful as well, or dreadful, im not sure, but Who knows. I dont want to be ineffectual, but im being effective at affecting just by living, im effectively drinking and eating and pissing and pooping. I dont know the reason, but Who does.

I saw Howl's Moving Castle


P.S, you capitalize names, and places, and other such things
Who,

i offer my condolances to those i may have offended. While it may be a beautiful perspective, or metaphoric aid to demonstrating your optimistic and light hearted mindset. I have never understood why people say things, such as The sky is my favorite color, or sunshine is my favorite color, My favorite color is life. The sky is not a color, it is a conglomerate of mirages and reflections that shift and change from place to place and hour to hour. The COLOR of the sky on the other hand, is an acceptably blueish tint. Sunshine is a lovely idea, a warm beam of light that warms the skin and often lifts one's spirit, but sunlight is mostly colorless in view, to the best of my knowledge we dont walk in a yellow tinted world. That is until it passes through something and gives us the rich array of colors we have. When you shine a blue light on someone, they take on a blue tint, or red or yellow etc. But sunlight gives us no such coloring, most of the time.


All that to say i dont know why it bothers me, it probably shouldn't. Yet, when people say things similar to that, it just urks me. It feels like an insincere answer with which they are attempting to appear, dreamy or zenish. Im probably way off, it could be their attempt at being their sincerest, while being unable find the right words, and i'm just being a butt. Maybe i'm the insincere one here, more then likely true, but with the onset of the tolerance mindset, everyone is original and unique so don't judge, strange answers such as those are becoming cliche and fake. I appreciate that your so full of love and clarifying blithe, but every once in a while i would enjoy an answer that is not a broad abstract. I realize that it is alot to ask for anything in this world to be concrete, because nothing really is but still.


What is your favorite food friend? "BREAKFAST!...." She sighs happily. So,...breakfast is your favorite? "INFINITE!" Ok...


FOUR DAYS PASS



Hey friend i made you your favorite! "PANCAKES WITH SAUSAGE PATTIES AND A SIDE OF GLITTER!" No...I wasn't sure what you meant by breakfast...but you love almost everything so i made you a mix! A traditional Burmese breakfast with a hint of Japanese, Steamed brown rice with boiled peas, covered in a beaten raw egg, and a side of miso soup. I smile proudly. "oh. But i hate peas, and im a vegan so i dont eat eggs. But i like tofu, So..SOUP please:)"



Again i apologize, im not trying to be rude, i have many friends whom i love and are something like this. I hope with all my heart that they are sincere, as i believe they are. Even if someone is faking it and are not as they appear. They are trying as we all are.


eh