you and ten thousand others

Why do we want the things we want, the moments of a random chase run through a strange building witha girl, Or the picket fence Or the Girl who isnt like al the other girls.Because medie and society shows thats what we should want? Im not sure,not sure at all. There are parts of me that i know were society programmed to want certain aspects of life, Yet others i know society couldnt change or begin to touch or form if they tried, Idea's and wishing dreamful fantacies. Are they of my own creataion? i havent the slightest. Did God give them to me, or did he simply hardwire my brain a certain to create and turn at its own will. A shovel is to dig, but in which direction and how deep i dig is entirely up to me.

Thats all for now, a tid bit snatching up my time

really, i do want to watch the movie. But its such a good movie, that left a mark on me that i can still feel, even after all these years. watching it in such a breezy fashion seems unfair. on a computer full of sparkling distractions. i cant turn of our modem, so our cable phone and internet will be cut off. But harold crick demands an audience. i am no fit viewer,supressing a chuckle as he swings the lamp post in a madness induced by the foretold immenence of his own death. The mirror shot in this movie has to be one of my favorites. We see what he see's. his flustered and reddend face screaming into the mirror. Spittle escaping his lips at a dull drum pace.Only to leave emptier. This is no scene for chuckling. Yet i find one needing to be supressed none the less. He eats the cookie, his first homemade warm and gooey cookie in his entire life. The contrast on his face is wonderful, dull and longing to leave, to stalled and amazed. Appreciate the simple. if the plot doesnt move foward by you refusing to go thru the door, the plot has changed instead, your story did not continue thru the door.

it seems this school year is drawing to a close, decisions are ahead. im not to inspired to share anything big right now, so ide rather just keep at nothing, then short change something, you know, tall change worthy. college essay is finished, my english teacher is looking at it, he's pretty cool, a little stuck on the idea of college and having to have an education to make something of yourself, i disagree entirely with the whole system of thought there, a ballerina shouldnt feel stupid because she couldnt pass english and anatomy, she's a ballerina right? she's passed thru twelve years of learning, so she knows more then twice the neccesarry amount to be well educated. But i think people say college is for the experiance, i dont want to be with a bunch of self pleasing, self important, wasted people, if thats the experiance then forget it, but if college is like the island in Brave new world, for people who arnt happy with being the same, or being told what to think, then maybe

ive finshed a few books lately, Brave new world, Bird by bird, lame book where the mother dies, Girl who fell from the sky,lord of the rings, water for elephants, Perks of being a wall flower, and two more but the titles escape me at the moment.Right now im reading Evasion, its about someone who is sick of corporate greed and the boring idealness the is forced upon the "american way" so he becomes a hobo, travling every where by train or hitch hiking, eating from dumpsters, getting money from receipts. i think he's very brave, trusting he'll not die, or maybe even not caring if he dies, he just lives, why worry about dying when your alive?

fleet foxes live in dallas were AMAZING, best concert ive been to, Robin's pitch was PERFECT better then the cd. we arrived four hours early to the show and while waitiing the front(as in first) of the line, we heard them doing sound check, So we went to the back to get a better listen. It really started to rain, i mean torrential downpour rain, so we got closer and all of a sudden two dudes come out of the door and invite us up to the covered ledge cause its "really comeing down man" he introduced himself as casey, out came four more guys, we sort of small talked. i later found out that they were really the drummer, pianist and guitar player of fleet foxes, AND I HAD NO IDEA, they had shaved their beards so it was hard to recognize. after the show in short, i met robin, he played and signed my acoustic, and said he'd really been wanting one(71 yamaha). it was almost as if i were glowing inside, lame to be so star struck, he's only human after all. Thats were the glow came from tho, seeing and talking to someone who i had elevated to a mystical diety, who's talent and grace was far above the likes of a mere mortal such as myself. Great to see fame doesnt turn all into whip logans.

well enough bad writing and grammer.
inadeqescy fill you
-bah

....

i once heard from a thoughtfull person, that "silence is the next best thing to bliss." Everyone is so chatty, trying as hard as they can to at least cause a ripple in our tsunami wave sized days.But why are the most respectful times, a time of silence. Words have un deniable and un fathomable power,yes. When word after word is spoken tho, they lose their intended effect. They no longer mausage the ear into letting words enter our brain to form coherent thoughts. Now instead they bash away until numbness is all we have left. If you ate all hours of the day, meals would no longer be sought after, and would become dull and bothersome traditions. So how can we appreciate the words seldom spoken, when they are indeed not, seldom spoken. i dont need words to be flowing out of my mouth constantly, if this is the case, my words have become bland and thoughtless.

Cheap laughs are just that, cheap laughs. Making someone laugh is deffinatly a worth while venture, it lengthens life and all sorts of good stuff, but a joke at the expense of some kid, or a dirty nasty joke that has no need of being uttered in this tongue or in the black tongue of morder. is just wasted breath

i could ramble on and on, but i dont feel the need to heavily right now, i really have to go to the bathroom, and i like to finish these in one swoop, serving the dish while its hot and all, so all im saying is, let a little more silence creep into your life.


Look into the air, E.I.T.S
-ian

Goliath

its so strange how much thought or importance we put on talent, we praise someone with talent, showering them with "adulation" about how talented they are. When really they have nothing to do with it. Mozart was four years old, so it couldn't have been how much h practiced, he was 1-3 you really cant do much at 1-3. So it just so happend he was born with talent. Its something we all want, but so few seem to have. Supposing we all have a niche in some part of our day, But someone who has a "talent" for folding things. Well then talent is apprently not praise worthy. Why is it fair, its not fair, i know life isnt fair but i mean, why value someone who was born with something, over someone who was not? they both could have worked equally hard for whatever it is they wanted, but because of their starting points, is one bound to always beat the other?
sorta sad really

oh well, Enjoying "The Mars Volta"
-ian

Some people die in the middle, i live just fine on the top

ive always been a little, or a bit, jelous of birds. Not in the way most people would assume, i didnt evny their flying ability which altho is sweet. Its their ability to sing and create music and melody. Which also might be easy to assume, But Its not in their ability or creativity where i find my envy. It is in fact, in their self confidence, They sing when there is no one around, and when people are around, They sing whether people like it or not, They like the song their singing, So they sing it, Ive always been very insecure about my music, Darn birds, Im sure whatever there singing has some sort of meaning to them or their other bird friends, maybe someday ill be able to mimic, or at least understand them better

Being scared of something is sooo dumb, If it cant change anything then why be scared? the phrase ignorance is bliss is so true, you could live ignorant of something that causes crippling fear, and since you dont have that fear it never affects you, You live a totally successful life, In contrast you could live in fear of this one thing so much so that still, it never occurs but you were to scared to really do anything or think of anything worthwhile, becaus it COULD happen, So dumb, if only i could convince my brain of this fact, i hate it.