im sure this will pass

But today i feel an infinite ability to be depressed, to embrace depression. Everything seems so sad and trivial. Why do people spend the best 20 years of their life doing dull work. If it makes them happy i guess, but it seems everything just runs towards a miserable end. Happy love, burned out in a sad marriage; young love put out by a young couples baby. Life ends i guess, i cant really explain myself too well right now. Is the trick in self illusion, or disillusionment. I was talking to alli the other day, i asked her how do you define great men? Why does history only tell the tales of great men? Even those great men become forgotten. We dont remember the things that really matter, sure they made some great art, or they found some new theory, But what was their favorite morning routine, did they love, really love? Were they a morning or night person, what did their neighbors think of them? People strive to be remembered after they are being eaten by worms. Why? Does being remembered make you any less dead? NOPE, when you have dirt in your ears, i dont think you really care anymore. Strive for everything but for what? Asking these questions dont accomplish anything, will being remembered cause the worms to be any less hungry? No, but i like that little quip, it pleases me.


Well...i have to head to work...i think im done making soap...i dont like it..or the atmosphere

sorry, ill be fine soon

This is a thought, people often talk about the divorce rate as if it were a blight. How shameful and ugly is the scar divorce leaves on those involved. Is this really how it is? It sort of makes more sense to me as a successful shedding of dying skin. Let me explain. While those who are involved in a loving marriage should no doubt be applauded, those who are in a bad, dying marriage, based on lust or false pretenses should seek to improve their life, and possibly the lives of their children. Why should one mistake follow another? You made a mistake of marrying in the first place, or found out she is terrible to your kids or something, i raise my glass to them who have the courage to get out of such a harmful relationship, i give a standing ovation tho to those who keep a working and functioning marriage love alive.

im not sure of the truth or what have you in these sentences, just a thought is all

life's carrying on as usual. For the first time in years, ive finished a school project completely. Senior research paper is done. I cant decide what i think the most common question people ask themselves is. Like most questions we ask ourselves, we dont really intend to find an answer. We either know the answer is one which wont be to our liking, or its a pointless question in reality. If indeed there is such a thing as a pointless question. How often though do i come up with absolute, decided answers to my question? It's really like im just thinking endlessly about the same things, i just follow strange tangents until i look up and realize an hour has passed. Everyone is seeking something, so many of the things we seek already have answers or known ends. But self discovery is a favorite badge of ours to wear. It really doesnt matter how much wisdom other people offer us, from personal experience even, we just want to stick our thumb in the hot pie. What is the most important question, Well why of course. But is there one basic question? If answered it would answer all other questions? A basic truth from which all other truth stems? That leads to yet another question though. If truth stems from truth, is there really one truth? nope, it must mean that there are hundreds of truths? if the all share a common ancestor can they really be so different? A Doberman vs. a beagle? dog dog dog dog dog dog

Fortress-
PInback

Great peach in the sky, grown in my dirt

Tattoo ink never runs dry OOOO

there just isn't a chance, the layout is too dull. Didn't you know this would come? In all your wisdom you've become lazy. Your keen eye got you here, your observation allowed you to gather knowledge. Now you begin to rest in its ill received comfort. Dont stop looking, feel your ignorance. Intertwine the fool and the wise; only then can you become something. Acknowledge your achievement, find comfort in it, but know that it's really nothing and reach for more. Know that your clever, but know you'll never know enough to BE clever. Clever, maybe even cleverer, But not Clever,as in a noun. You'd think since we've been given a fat chance, there would be a higher likelihood of success. Nope, fat, as in obese. Never a good thing you see, too much to see. A lot you wont see as well, your feet for example. Or say.. your clogging arteries?

Dont choke when all you have to do is chew. Breath for a second, in the nose and then hold it...out the mouth. Rip the fruit with your front teeth, your first taste. Move it to your back teeth, all the while tasting and savoring the new flavors with your tongue. Then swallow the fruit only when you've deemed it fit for your consumption. There is always the option to spit it out, or better yet, don't pick it up at all.

ide prefer, sodium bicarbonate and citric acid to close my pores, then a nice fist punch. Or really just a splash of cold water.

Ill take a brief break from saving memories. It used to be simpler, before my self image rose. When i thought i had nothing of value to offer anyone. Before i thought i was smarter. I would just say things to clear my head, or try to impress somebody, try to improve somebody, stop somebody. I cant ever see things the same, once someone tells me how they see me. I dont want to let down their expectation, but by trying i do. At least it feels that way

I guess life just goes that way. Progression can too often be found in regression. Ive been looking through my older writings, and somehow they feel more honest,idk. I'll hear back from the schools i sent applications to by the end of this month. Hope it's not all in my head. Thats the key tho, it's all in all of our heads.

Ive probably said it before, but oh well. I always assume that what people are saying,speaking, is a direct reflection of what they are thinking. Therefore, If they only speak non sense, chit chat, Worthless noise, etc.. then they must only think about such things. For some reason, i dont apply this rule to myself. The words i say are significantly fewer then the words i am thinking. Why wouldnt it be the same for others? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But it's extremely presumptuous of me to believe im smarter based on what other people say in comparison to what i think, isnt it?

i really hate blogging, I really do. I should just write it in a notebook and wait for it to become a book someday. That's just not going to happen tho, im selfish and afraid of being forgetful. I want instant gratification you see, moral dissension in perfect accordance with social moral acceptance. I want desperately to go everywhere, But these things must be done while im young, before the "window" of flexibility of the,my, mind is closed. Which path do i choose? Where is it that im hoping to end up. I dont know really, In all honesty im expecting to not know until i choose a path and find it to be the wrong one. I feel like im already on a wrong path, yet i feel no sense of change. I feel the need to change drastically, but i have no idea where to go. Its sort of like a path with big walls on either side, i need to get off this path, But to do so i need to either backtrack a few years, or just sprint to the end of this horrible road

HA

peachy

Come on out prince, Its just me. You can drop the act now... Whats this... such a nice cape tossed on the ground. Come on out. you damn fiend! Your smile isnt looking so white out here in the dark.. whats that i smell? That pungent, sickly sweet smell? Is that you dear prince? Oh prince dear prince come on out. What the...a dead dear? No forks, no knives, and no fire? tut tut tut where have your delicate table manners disappeared to?

Allright! Here, im right Over here! Did i ever ask to be this way! Didnt i warn you people! I told you, i TOLD you! Show yourself oh holy and gracious hunter. Pierce with your favored arrow! You've spilled it before BUT LET IT FLOW NOW! or be done with it!

Here, my prince, just a little further. This dance has taken such time to prepare, musn't waste an occasion as....seductive as this. The light is just so flattering. Breath for moment wont you? The breeze is delectably revealing..

What is this Witchcraft and Whore mongering you act? Fight me and be quick, fate is assigned and destiny awaits. To which bitter end the shaft or to sate. I see no stage, but feel a part i do indeed play. A dance an act its all been set. Step forward.


Here my damned prince, my dearest fiend. Favored arrow indeed, Knocked to be free. Look true upon all you see, i call you out. Traitor and liar, scholar and fool but above all my loveless tool.

What...what is this...my....my love, my queen. Why..why are you out here. What business is this. Your clothes....where..its..why are you naked. I dont understand...is this some sort of trick, is this the scene you proposed?

Foolish thing, ripe like fruit. Crave for flesh, bounce or flex? Covered and concealed my worth unknown. Know you see what you were never shown.



hahahahahahaha what a joke